Leaky Faucets

If you’re in Boracay, and you want to know if a man is European or American, I think there is a way to tell without hearing them speak.  The Europeans are the ones wearing super short Speedos and opened button-down shirts exposing their ample chest hair, while the Americans have shoulder-length hair, tattooed arms and the general appearance of a pro wrestler.  Their girlfriends also have tattoos.  Of course, these observations are based on a very limited sample, but I think they are pretty accurate.

In Boracay, there seemed to be a lot of Korean honeymooners. How could I tell? The man in woman dress in identical outfits or at the very least the same shirt. I first encountered this phenomenon during a stop over at the Incheon Airport in Seoul a few years ago. It was winter there, and there were packs of couples clad in identical sweatshirt. Recently, I asked Rills about this, and he said honeymooning couples often wear the same outfits as a symbol of their love. Sometimes the outfits are a little embarrassing for the guy; one was wearing pink and whit striped shirts. Talk about leaving your balls at the altar.

Personally, I would never do this. Aya and I have a few of the same t-shirts from races but we try to avoid wearing them at the same time.

After encountering a busboy at Max Brenner last year who happened to be a “little person,” I mused about how wonderful it would be to have a restaurant whose entire wait staff is so diminutive.   Well, the other day I discovered just such a place in Boracay.  It’s called the Hobbit House and its entire service staff are indeed hobbits or midgets or dwarves or something.  And they are seemingly proud to be on the short side.  It’s actually appears to be a Tolkien-themed restaurant and pub.  We didn’t actually eat there because the menu (basic pub food) didn’t seem too appealing compared to the other offerings in D’Mall complex.  I did a little searching on the web and found that Hobbit House has a location in Manila as well.  That one has been there for at least 20 years; the Boracay location is relatively new.  Next time I have the chance I will have to try it just so that I can experience being waited on by hobbits.  This type of themed restaurant is probably only possible in a place like the Philippines where political correctness is nowhere in sight.  It’s actually a little refreshing to me as I feel sometimes that the PC-ness in the US has gotten a bit out of control.

I’m posting here from Boracay Beach in the Philippines. Actually I’m lying down outside less than 50 feet from the ocean with my laptop. They’ve got wi-fi here which works great outside-even better than in our room at the Sur beach resort. This is a pretty bare bones resort; it’s really just a hotel located on the beach with very few amenities other than the aforementioned wi-fi, which is unexplicably shut off every evening and not turned back on until the morning. Sur is probably one of the cheapest hotels in Boracay, which is teeming with beach resorts and restaurants geared toward a largely European clientele. Some rooms here are well over $300/night.

I shouldn’t complain about anything right now. It’s really relaxing here. We just came for a few days because my mother-in-law has some business here. For me, the idea of taking a swim, coming out and reading my e-mail or checking the news or basketball scores is perfect. I’ve thrown in a little work while I’m here but not too much.

Ana absolutely loves the sand and the sea. She has no problem being dirty and sticky and seems to like the taste of salt water. Here she is enjoying her fresh mango juice.

I got my first bit of sunburn since I’ve been in the Philippines which is pretty amazing considering how easily I usually burn. I guess I’ve been pretty careful applying SPF 50 when I’m out. I’m not in any pain yet and I hope that doesn’t change. The water is a bit cold at first, but it’s pretty warm and humid so that is not necessarily unwelcome. It’s completely clear with very little plant life near the shore and absolutely no aquatic life. This is more of a laying-on-the-beach type place as opposed to a diving mecca. The sand is magnificent-super fine and smooth and white. It doesn’t get hot when you walk on it.

The food has also been quite impressive here. They really cater to Westerners with high quality and widely varied offerings. We’ve had excellent fresh seafood, good Filipino food. Yesterday, I had one of the best Nicoise salads I’ve ever had-pretty amazing considering how mediocre salads are in Cebu.

It’s been a while since I’ve spent my days full of sand and sunblock and sweat. You feel kind of gross after a while, but it’s really just part of the package. There’s always a shower at the end of the afternoon. Unfortunately, though, the showers at Sur spew out scalding hot water with no apparent means of changing the temperature. There’s a sign in the bathroom announcing that their water is solar heated, which I certainly applaud. But, if there is no way to regulate the temperature, it’s not really worth it.

Okay, I will complain about a few things in Boracay because that’s just my nature. Hawkers of all sorts of goods and services are omnipresent. Every step you take someone offers you a massage, a boat ride, a pair of Oakley sunglasses or some cheap jewelry. It’s really annoying. They come right up to you as you’re lying in your beach chair relaxing. You would think the resorts would try to stop this, but they don’t do a thing. The proliferation of boats are a little unsightly too but I can live with that. The flight here was also a little scary. At least for me. We flew a 30-seat propeller jet. I don’t really like flying much, even though I do it quite frequently, but I really don’t like small planes. You feel every bump when you’re above the clouds. I think I was the most nervous person on the plane, and that includes Ana’s nanny for whom this was her very first time flying. I didn’t scream or anything but I had to do some rhythmic breathing to get through some rough patches. Thankfully, it was only about 40 minutes to get here.

Seems that every time there’s a mass shooting in a high school or university, the shooter ends up killing himself. Why can’t they just do everyone a favor and kill themselves first? You’re going to do it anyway, so why not just change the order and allow the networks to devote more time to Britney’s hospitalizations instead of your pathetic life? Huh, fuckheads?

Yesterday was like Christmas morning for Ana and me.  At least what I think Christmas morning would feel like.  As a Jew, I never truly experienced all the excitement of Christmas morning that my gentile friends like Jimmy enjoyed every year of their childhood.  Yeah, we had Hanukkah, but when it all comes at one time it’s quite a rush.

What made me think of Christmas?  We received the last of our stuff that we shipped here from New York just before the real Christmas last year.  These were the final eight boxes out of a total 18.  Included was my new turntable so I can finally start converting my vinyl into mp3s; all the toiletries (deodorant, razor blades, toothpaste, floss, etc.) that I desperately need from the brands I trust and can only get here for double or triple the price in the States if at all; two pairs of brand new and unused Asics running shoes (this quality of running shoe I definitely cannot get here); and our tennis rackets so we can finally start with tennis lessons.  Ana had at least a whole box of toys, stuffed animals and books, many of which I’ve never seen before-they must have been given to Aya by our old neighbor Leontine right before we shipped out.  Also, was my long awaited Noi Sirius Icelandic dark chocolate.  I sent seven bars-every single one that they had at the Whole Foods in Columbus Circle when I stopped there right before we left.  I plan to ration these so that they last me until June when we’ll be in the U.S. for a visit.

And, perhaps most importantly was the 12 rolls of 2-ply Charmin that we had left over.  There was no way I was giving that up.  The toilet paper here is very flimsy and not too soft.  Charmin is hard to find and is usually one ply.  At the duty free they had the 2-ply but the cost was exorbitant.  It may sound silly to some, but having the right toilet paper can go a long way toward satisfaction in life.  Of course, I must be careful not to flush too much of this American import-Filipino plumbing is not equipped to handle heavy duty toilet paper.  Yeah, if any of you are thinking that I wouldn’t be too upset getting a six pack of Charmin for my next birthday or Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever, your absolutely right.

Some of you may have read about an alleged plot to assassinate the Philippine president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. Funny thing is that no one here seems to believe the story. Almost unanimously, people are convinced that it’s a red herring aimed at preventing this scandal-plagued administration from drowning in its own filthy corruption. The calls for Ms. Arroyo’s ouster are loud, but so far the military is on her side, so a repeat of the previous “People Power” revolutions still looks remote. Hopefully, she can survive until the next election in 2010 if only to ensure some stability for this nation until the next treacherous pol takes the reins.

 

A very funny moment happened last night.  We were on the computer Skyping with Aya, who is in the States right now on a brief visit.  I put Ana on the desk and she kissed her mommy on the screen.  Then, she stood up and peered over the top of the monitor apparently looking for the rest of her mommy back there.  She doesn’t quite understand how computers work yet, I guess.  It was hilarious but also a little sad for her.

Because of Ana’s constant rashes on her face, we had her tested for allergies.  The doctor thought she may have a high likelihood of developing asthma, which Aya has battled since she was a kid.  She tested negative for the dust mite-a key indicator of asthma-but Dr. Sulay still feels asthma may come.  Unfortunately, she was positive for peanuts and wheat flour, though both were at the extreme low end of the scale.   She very well may outgrow the wheat allergy, Dr. Sulay said, but peanut allergies are usually  life-long.   I’ll feel terrible if Ana never gets to experience the bliss that is peanut butter, one of my absolute favorite foods.  I practically subsisted on peanut butter sandwiches as a kid, when I was a terribly picker eater.  Before long runs, my staple breakfast was a toasted bagel with peanut butter.  And of course, chocolate and peanut butter in any dessert is one of my most cherished combinations.  Is it possible that my overindulgence in peanut butter could have somehow led to Ana’s allergies?  I just hope that someday it will reverse its course.

35 today, and I managed to keep up with a group of 20 year olds in a few games of 4-on-4 half court basketball.  My team won both games, each by the identical score of 15-14.  I was far from the best player but I definitely held my own with a younger, faster and more agile group.  Not bad for an old man.  I haven’t played this kind of competitive basketball in several years so I’m glad to know that I haven’t completely lost my game.  And some of these guys were very good.  One of my advantages, obviously, is experience.  Also, a lot of people don’t run around like I do on every play.  I make up for my talent deficit with hustle, especially on defense.  And the good thing about playing in the Philippines is that I’m always going to be one of the taller players at 5′10, which allows me to play down low where I’m more capable of scoring and getting boards.  I bought a new ball today too before we played.  I’m really excited about playing basketball a lot more; it’s something that I’ve really missed the past few years.  I’ve got at least one person to play with on a regular basis-Rills, a guy from Korea who is close with my brother-in-law.  We played on a covered court in his development, and he is as eager as I am to keep playing.