Leaky Faucets

“It’s in our interests to help liberty prevail in the Middle East, starting with Iraq. And that’s why this business about graceful exit simply has no realism to it at all.”

                                          –George W. Bush   

I was riding the F train home from work today, reading the New Yorker.  Somewhere around Forest Hills, I hear this chuckling.  Loud chuckling.  I glance up, on a nearly empty train, and easily identify the source.  He’s sitting directly across from me reading one of the tabloids.  The Post I think.  Less than a minute later I hear it again.  Then again.  And again.  Sounded like a madman.  But he didn’t look like one.  Actually, he looked pretty normal, whatever that is.  You can’t always tell the crazies by their looks.  What I’m saying is that he certainly wasn’t homeless; he most likely has a job even.  A white guy in his 50s or 60s, the chuckler was wearing a collared shirt and tie-the tie was slightly disheveled, not necessarily a sign of craziness.  Next to him on the seat was a stack of newspapers topped with a tan fedora.

At first I thought there was really something funny in the paper.  But nothing in the Post can be that funny to illicit such non-stop laughter, can it?  When I got off the train I had a chance to glance over his shoulder to see what he was reading.  It was an article about Israel, something about Israel making a serious attempt at peace.  I suppose someone can find that funny in a deeply cynical way.  But this guy had to be deeply drunk to be laughing the way he was.  I felt like asking him why he was laughing so hard, but I’ve been told that you’re not supposed to talk to strangers in New York so I didn’t.

I took me until the age of 33 to figure out that pie does not make the best breakfast if you want to re-energize yourself.  Traditionally, I would typically have a slice of pumpkin or my mom’s chocolate mousse pie for breakfast for several days after Thanksgiving until it was through.  After binging last night on turkey and stuffing and yams (and pie), I awoke with the plan of eating something light.  But, my brother-in-law, Dave, pulled out the pumpkin pie.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, and it went well with the leftover chocolate cake, Reddi-whip and of course, coffee.  I don’t feel so well now, and will think hard before I do this again.

I thought it was difficult for immigrants to become U.S. citizens.  Apparently in the Philippines it is even more difficult.  It seems that it is extremely rare as one must appeal to the Senate for their citizenship to be approved.  This is the tale of two Germans who are seeking Filipino citizenship.

I can understand why people would heckle Michael Richards telling him he’s not funny.  Because he isn’t funny.  Kramer was funny.  Michael Richards is a bore.  I’ve heard him interviewed before on the radio and on TV.  It seemed like he was on valium.  It was depressing and sad.

Now we know he’s a racist too.  Even if he apologizes and says he’s not a racist, he is.  A professional comedian should be able to handle a heckler without resorting to the racial blast.  Say something funny and you might not have to pull out the racial ammunition.

Check out the video and see for yourself what the “real Kramer” is about.  His career is probably over so for his sake I hope he invested his Seinfeld money well.

If you can’t make fun of other people, just who can you make fun of?  Well, according to the humorless New York Times columnist David Brooks, no one.  He attacks the new Borat movie in yesterday’s Times, calling it snobbery by the urbane elite victimizing the poor racist and misogynistic rednecks inhabiting the red states.  I happened to find the movie hilarious.  Borat did nothing but let these people be themselves and if they happened to embarrass themselves and amuse countless moviegoers, then they only have themselves to blame.  Should we feel sorry for the southern frat boys who gleefully and drunkenly talk about using women for sex then ditching them?  I think not. 

And Brooks claims that the middle American country bumpkins that Borat’s elitist fans are so happy to belittle are the only targets of Cohen’s humor.  If Mr. Brooks had done his research and watched Da Ali G Show, he would have found many targets that are part of the elite: Manhattan venture capitalists, Washington power brokers, and um, Donald Trump. 

Editor’s note: since the Times will no longer allow free access to its op ed columns on its site, I had to find the article for free courtesy of another blog.

 

After so many years in politics, you would think that Nancy Pelosi could fake a smile, even if she is genuinely unhappy.  In this picture, she looks like her pet hamster just died.  Just as Shaquille O’Neal should practice his free throws,
Nancy should really practice that politician smile.  Steny Hoyer, with his arm around Pelosi, seems to have it down pat.  Well, maybe he is happy here.

I keep getting e-mails in my worthless hotmail account from a woman named Valerie Adami.  I never open them because I know their spam but for some reason the named sounded familiar so I did a google search and here’s what I found.  Unfortunately, I can’t open it at work since they block web pages with certain words in them like cocksucker, etc.  Enjoy!

Is it unusual or even unprecedented to turn down a cab share?  Last night, after Mariana’s birthday dinner wrapped up, another couple who live near us in Woodside, asked if we wanted to share a cab with them.  I said know, ostensibly because we had just spent all of our cash on the dinner and possibly did not have enough for our share.  But, also, I really prefer to take the subway unless it is really, really late or I am super, super drunk.  It was only around 10:00 and the two glasses of wine I drank with dinner did not push me past the limit of my sobriety.  I don’t like to have to deal with the obnoxious reactions of cab drivers when you tell them you’re going to Queens.  They just hate it, despite the fact that a great many of them live there.  Often, too, the subway can be just as fast.  Almost anyone else would take the share, but I’m different.  I hope they didn’t see it as a snub because it wasn’t.  I’m just philosophically opposed to cabs; I don’t really like to waste money on them when I have an unlimited Metrocard.

It occurs to me that this country would be so much better if people would stop talking-and even thinking-about the A word.  Republicans, and increasingly Democrats need to pledge their allegiance to the anti-choice agenda to appease the fanatics who view it as the number one issue in our country, the issue that either makes them vote for you or the other candidate regardless of their position on Iraq, the economy, health care, jobs, taxes, energy efficiency, handouts to corporate supporters and about 95 other issues that are more important than abortion.  It should be somewhere near flag burning in the pecking order.  It’s a non-issue.  As is gay marriage.  If John and Steve want to get married in Provincetown, Massachusetts, it doesn’t affect the way I feel about my own marriage.  If Mary Jo out in Little Rock doesn’t want to be just another single mother on welfare, not only will it not change the way I feel about my own decision to have a baby, I won’t even know about her decision.  And that’s the way it should be.  It’s time to take this issue off the table because it should not decide the fate of our country.